Today and every day, I am trying to improve...

Every day I wake up, I know I have choices. These series of choices develop into my day, my week, and so on. They effect my contentment and happiness. They effect the people around me.What time I go to bed at night. When I get up in the morning. What I feed my mind and thoughts. What I choose to do every day.What I listen to. If I choose to think on things that are good, honest and true, or allow myself to think on negativity. If I choose to give in this life, or take. Having true empathy. Empathy and compassion for people that have hurt me.  Forgiveness...true forgiveness. The ability to stop over analyzing things. I know I am of the flesh "human", and I WILL make mistakes every day. These choices I make have the power to determine the person I choose to be, and the quality of life I will have. Also, how I influence others around me.

I choose to be a better me EVERY day. It is  a choice that requires a conscious effort. A choice I can't make alone. I have tried, and failed. It amazes me when I sit and compare my struggles before I really invested in my relationship with God, and today. Jesus take the wheel. I wish I knew years ago how much easier life is when I am really plugged in to God. I always believed. I was brought up in a Christian home. It wasn't until the last 7 years of my life that I started seeking. Just getting a few minutes every day to talk to God. A few minutes to read a devotion, or a few scriptures in the Bible. Its the difference between expecting results on a diet with out exercise, and getting faster results with exercise. With out both, you don't get the same results. It takes discipline, but the rewards are great. He wants his people to live in abundance. To have peace, happiness, and contentment. He will give that. I have found nothing else in this life that heals, satisfies, or blesses like my relationship with Christ.

So, I try to acknowledge what I do or don't do that cause me to be unhappy. Discipline is my new friend. I am a work in progress. Balance is a key factor in these challenges for me as well. I tend to be an all or none kind of person. I find that discipline is 30% harder when you are your own enforcer. So much easier when you have someone else to be accountable to. But, hey...I like a challenge! (Most days..lol)

So today being Monday, the day I call recovery Monday....after the usual hectic weekend, I am choosing to take time for me. My house is a mess. I have to muck the horses paddocks. I have backed up laundry. I would like to exercise the horses, and sit down with Lexi to go over her school work schedule. As I write...I am feeling anxiety!! Deep breathe. It's OK if I don't ride today. Its OK if I start cleaning in an hour. Its OK if I get Lexi situated when I am done here. The world will not explode. I will not get a fail stamp on my head at the end of the day. It is one day. The chores will be there, and It will all get done eventually.

I have been wanting to start a blog for weeks now. I like the idea of keeping a journal, and sharing my thoughts. I like that my kids can look back on it someday, and really know who I am. I like that it allows you to stop and really think about life and the series of events that collectively and personally describe our own. I feel like I am often trying to check off a to do list, and the really important things get pushed aside for tomorrow, or "When I have time".Things like, taking the kids for a bike ride. Playing a board game. Doing Lexi's hair and makeup for her on her first date. (Making me choke up)  I have recently heard myself say to the kids day after day, "I wish I could do that with you." or, "Maybe tomorrow". Often telling myself the same thing about doing things like writing a blog, or taking any time out for me.

So here it is...I finally started it! Today I am going to try to start taking the time to smell the roses. With discipline and God's help, I will try to let the little things go that get in the way of sharing moments, slowing down, and finding balance between the "to do list" and the opportunities to live, laugh,and most important love. <3

On that note...here is a picture of my very happy Newly 7 year old Nicholas having his cake, and gleaming over his new helicopter toy. We let him pick out a few gifts at the store, and bought cake and ice cream to celebrate on his Birthday. There is still a party to come, but we wanted his actual Birthday to be special!